Q. What do you call a flying primate?
A. hot air baboon.
Q. Why did the teenage airplane get sent to his room?
A. For bad altitude.
Q. Why do I need glasses to do math?
A: Because it helps with Division
Q. What do I do if I keep getting distracted by the idea of kissing my enemy?
A: I need to learn how to foe kiss.
Q. Who would you call in the swamp if you had a mystery to solve?
A. An in-vesti-gator.
Q. What does an alligators do if he needs more energy?
A. Slug down some gator-ade.
Q. Why are Elephants always ready to swim?
A. Because they always have their trunks on.
Q. Why should you never go swimming in the Dead Sea?
A. Because that’s where zombies go swimming.
Q: What do you call a rodent drama set in Florida?
A: Miami Mice
Q: What do you call a polar bear living in Florida?
A: solar bear
Q: What do you call 2 birds stuck together?
Q: I was stuck in a traffic jam…
A: It still amazes me how they get the jars that big.
Q: What would Juliet say if Romeo and Juliet had been set in winter in Minnesota?
A: Parting is such sleet sorrow.
Q: What would two old snowmen say about their youth?
A: Froze were the good old days
Q: What kind of self-help books do dolphins read?
A: Leading a porpoise-driven life
Q: I’m attending a self-help group for compulsive talkers. What do you think it’s called?
A: on and on anon
Q: What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?
A: Get a broom!
Q: Why did the witch robbing a bank grab their broom?
A: So they could make a clean get away
Q. Why are dads so good at fall puns?
A. They’re really corn-y.
Q. What is the cutest season of the year?
Q. Why did the kid always sit in his wardrobe when reading a book?
A. Narnia business!
Q. What’s the best book to read while eating breakfast?
A. Much Ado About Muffin.
August Newsletter (that hit September)
Q. Why did the origami teacher want to quit his job?
A. He was frustrated because of all the paperwork.
Q. How did the optometry student decide which school to go to?
A. He went to the school with the most number of pupils.
Q: Whatever you do give 100%, unless …
A. it’s giving blood.
Q. For motivation, my friend buys a new rug every day. What’s her motto?
A. Her motto is ‘carpet diem’
Q: Is it normal for a Jedi to scale walls and obstacles with ease?
A: Yes, it’s parkour the force.
Q. Why can’t towels tell jokes?
A. They have a dry sense of humor.
Q: What kind of coffee was the alien mommy drinking on Mother’s Day?
Q. Where did the spider learn how to make a Mother’s Day gift?
A: The Web
Q: Which room in a house is always moving?
A: The walk in closet.
Q. What do you call kids moving out of the house with a dadjoke making mom?
A: Groaned up.
Q: What does a dragon say when you give them presents?
A. “Fangs a lot”.
Q. what shampoo does a Dragons prefer?
A. Head and Smolders!
Q: Where do you go to do your math homework on New Year’s Eve?
A: Times Square
Q: What did the ghost say on January 1?
A: “Happy Boo Year”
Q: What kind of car does yoda drive?
Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
Q: What reindeer game do reindeer play at sleepovers?
A: Truth or deer.
Q: What did Santa say to the funny reindeer?
A: You sleigh me.
Q: What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
A: Bubble 0-7
Q: Have you heard about the chocolate record player?
A: It sounds pretty sweet.
Q: How do you make a bandstand?
A: Take away their chairs
Q: What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind?
A: A may-bee.
Q: So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means?
A: It’s not the end of the world!
Q: Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?”
A: The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
Q: What did the Photon say when asked if she needed to check a bag?
A: No thanks, I’m traveling light!
Q: Why are skeletons so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin.
I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants….
You’ve probably never herbivore.
I just saw a car being driven by a sheep in a bikini…
It was a lamb bikini. 😉
Q: What did the teacher do with her students paper on the history of cheese?
A: She grated it!
Q: Did you know diarrhea is hereditary…?
A: It runs in your genes
Q: What do you call a bear without teeth?
A: A gummy bear
Q: Why does a duck have feathers?
A: To cover its butt quack
Q: Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex?
A: They were watch dogs
Q: How does a mountain look?
A: It peaks.
Q: What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Q: How does a penguin build its house?
A: Igloos it together.
Q: What do you call shoes made out of a banana?
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogie in it.