April Newsletter(s)
Q: Â How do you kill a circus?Â
A: Go for the juggler.
Q: What kind of dogs can do magic tricks?
A: Labracadabrador
March Newsletter(s)
Q: What burns longer, a red candle or a blue one?
A: Neither, they both burn shorter
Q: What do you get when you put a candle inside a suit of armor?
A: A knight light!
February Newsletter(s)
Q. What do you call two birds in love during February?
A. Tweet-hearts!
Q. Why did February refuse to attend the Halloween party?
A. It didn’t want to share THEIR “boo†with any other month!
January Newsletter(s)
Q. Why do I hate spring cleaning?
A. Because the darn things bounce all over the place.
Q. How do you announce to someone that winter is coming to an end?
A. You spring it on them.
December Newsletter(s)
Q. Why did Mrs. Claus hide the Christmas cookies?
A. Santa had no elf-control
Q. What forecast do we want for Christmas?
A. Cloudy with a good chance of reindeer.
November Newsletter(s)
Q. Why did the chef refuse to crack an egg?
A. He didn’t want to whisk it.
Q. What did I tell my family when they told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes?
A. I can’t quit cold turkey.
Q. What dinosaur is a writer’s best friend?
A. Thesaurus.
Q. What’s a fanfic writer’s weapon of choice?
A. His headcanon.
October Newsletter(s)
Q. What do you need to enter the Haunted House?
A. A Spook-Key
Q. What is a vampires favorite fruit?
A: A blood orange
Q. Why do I like Audiobooks?
A. They really speak to me.
Q. Why do people who are cold go to the library?
A. Because libraries are good for circulation.
September Newsletter(s)
Q. What is the cutest season of the year?
A. Awwwtumn.
Q. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
A. Squash.
August Newsletter(s)
Q. How did Poison Cliff at Yellowstone get its name?
A. ….”because one drop will kill ya!” (as far as I know this is not factual, just punny)
Q. How do you organize an outer space party?
A. You planet.
July Newsletter(s)
Q. Why was the computer cold?
A. It left its Windows open.
Q. Did you hear about the video game console that was a magician?
A. It disappeared into thin error.
June Newsletter(s)
Q. Why do bananas use sunscreen?
A. Because they might peel.
Q. What did the beach say when the tide came in?
A. Long time, no sea.
May Newsletter(s)
Q. What do you call a flying primate?
A. hot air baboon.
Q. Why did the teenage airplane get sent to his room?
A. For bad altitude.
April Newsletter(s)
Q. Why do I need glasses to do math?
A: Because it helps with Division
Q. What do I do if I keep getting distracted by the idea of kissing my enemy?
A: I need to learn how to foe kiss.
March Newsletter(s)
Q. Who would you call in the swamp if you had a mystery to solve?
A. An in-vesti-gator.
Q. What does an alligators do if he needs more energy?
A. Slug down some gator-ade.
Q. Why are Elephants always ready to swim?
A. Because they always have their trunks on.
Q. Why should you never go swimming in the Dead Sea?
A. Because that’s where zombies go swimming.
February Newsletter(s)
Q: What do you call a rodent drama set in Florida?
A: Miami Mice
Q: What do you call a polar bear living in Florida?
A: solar bear
January Newsletter(s)
Q: What do you call 2 birds stuck together?
A: Velcrows.
Q: I was stuck in a traffic jam…
A: It still amazes me how they get the jars that big.
December Newsletter(s)
Q: What would Juliet say if Romeo and Juliet had been set in winter in Minnesota?
A: Parting is such sleet sorrow.
Q: What would two old snowmen say about their youth?
A: Froze were the good old days
November Newsletter(s)
Q: What kind of self-help books do dolphins read?
A: Leading a porpoise-driven life
Q: I’m attending a self-help group for compulsive talkers. What do you think it’s called?
A: on and on anon
October Newsletter(s)
Q: What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?
A: Get a broom!
Q: Why did the witch robbing a bank grab their broom?
A: So they could make a clean get away
September Newsletters
Q. Why are dads so good at fall puns?
A. They’re really corn-y.
Q. What is the cutest season of the year?
A. Aww-tumn.
Q. Why did the kid always sit in his wardrobe when reading a book?
A. Narnia business!
Q. What’s the best book to read while eating breakfast?
A. Much Ado About Muffin.
August Newsletter (that hit September)
Q. Why did the origami teacher want to quit his job?
A. He was frustrated because of all the paperwork.
Q. How did the optometry student decide which school to go to?
A. He went to the school with the most number of pupils.
July Newsletter
Q: Whatever you do give 100%, unless …
A. it’s giving blood.
Q. For motivation, my friend buys a new rug every day. What’s her motto?
A. Her motto is ‘carpet diem’
June Newsletter
Q: Is it normal for a Jedi to scale walls and obstacles with ease?
A: Yes, it’s parkour the force.
Q. Why can’t towels tell jokes?
A. They have a dry sense of humor.
May Newsletters
Q: What kind of coffee was the alien mommy drinking on Mother’s Day?
A: Starbucks
Q. Where did the spider learn how to make a Mother’s Day gift?
A: The Web
April Newsletters
Q: Which room in a house is always moving?
A: The walk in closet.
Q. What do you call kids moving out of the house with a dadjoke making mom?
A: Groaned up.
February Newsletters
Q: What does a dragon say when you give them presents?
A. “Fangs a lot”.
Q. what shampoo does a Dragons prefer?
A. Head and Smolders!
January Newsletters
Q: Where do you go to do your math homework on New Year’s Eve?
A: Times Square
Q: What did the ghost say on January 1?
A: “Happy Boo Year”
Q: What kind of car does yoda drive?
A toyoda
Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
December Newsletter
Q: What reindeer game do reindeer play at sleepovers?
A: Truth or deer.
Q: What did Santa say to the funny reindeer?
A: You sleigh me.
November Newsletter
Q: What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
A: Bubble 0-7
Q: Have you heard about the chocolate record player?
A: It sounds pretty sweet.
October Newsletter
Q: How do you make a bandstand?
A: Take away their chairs
Q: What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind?
A: A may-bee.
September Newsletter
Q: So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means?
A: It’s not the end of the world!
Q: Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?â€
A: The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.â€
August Newsletter
Q: What did the Photon say when asked if she needed to check a bag?
A: No thanks, I’m traveling light!
Q: Why are skeletons so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin.
July Newsletter
I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants….
You’ve probably never herbivore.
I just saw a car being driven by a sheep in a bikini…
It was a lamb bikini. 😉
June Newsletter
Q: What did the teacher do with her students paper on the history of cheese?
A: She grated it!
Q: Did you know diarrhea is hereditary…?
A: It runs in your genes
May Newsletter
Q: What do you call a bear without teeth?
A: A gummy bear
Q: Why does a duck have feathers?
A: To cover its butt quack
April Newsletter
Q: Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex?
A: They were watch dogs
Q: How does a mountain look?
A: It peaks.
March Newsletter
Q: What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
A: Sneakers!
Q: How does a penguin build its house?
A: Igloos it together.
February Newsletter
Q: What do you call shoes made out of a banana?
A: Slippers!
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogie in it.