Pulling the Plug

I’m waiting for someone to die.

Not in the literary sense, but in the tragic real world way things happen. My sister is on life support right now. She made a series of bad decisions that lead her to be brain-dead in the hospital being kept alive by machinery.

As I wait for the switch to flip, I look at my life and work through my emotions. Anger, sadness, regret, and guilt are having a cage match in my psyche. The echo of what might have been is strong right now. I don’t want to get caught in the waves of the past.

I want to believe that she’ll be going to a better place. I’m not sure that I do. The scientist in me thinks that she’s just ceases to exist. Her particular uniqueness gone forever. Leaving behind a puzzle. What was missing that made these choices seem like good choices? What really happened? The only person who might be able to tell us, if she even knew, is no longer able to tell us anything.

I have landed on two ways to make her death meaningful in my life.

First, I will do what I can, even using her as an example, so my kids make different choices.

Second, my sister will be a character in a book. It will not be a FaceBook post sort of character, but as real and true as I can make her.

She would’ve liked that.

What have you done when dealing with a death?