The story we tell ourselves

I believe the human mind is always seeking to make order out of chaos.  I seek to make sense of the random acts that effect me by working them into my own personal stories.  I emphasize different facets of my story based on what is important to me at that moment.

My narrative grows and changes as I do.

I’d like to think that we all can use this process to give ourselves a better story.  And  better possible ending.  Why not go for a happy one?

We are survivors, not victims.

We have learned from and have been made stronger by our mistakes.  It makes our story more interesting to have plot twists.

What change in attitude has changed your life?

‪What do you get when you combine a 4-year-old and rolled up cardboard?‬

‪What do you get when you combine a 4-year-old and rolled up cardboard?‬

‪A trip to the doc to remove said cardboard from their nose!‬

Two weeks ago, my son said, “Mommy I have garbage in my nose.”‬  I thought he meant booger‬. So showed him how to blow his nose.

Then Sunday night he said, “No mommy I put it up there.”

Oh oh.

I got the flashlight and ‬‪sure enough, rolled up cardboard was wedged deep in his nose‬. Since it had been up there for two weeks already and he didn’t have a fever or any other obvious symptoms, I figured no ER visit needed. I would call the doc in the morning and we would see the regular doctor.

said-no-mom-ever

The next day at the doc, my normally reasonable son (for a 4-year-old), bucked like we were trying to cut his nose off.  After the forth attempt Doc said, “It smells rotten‬. Your choice an ENT specialist or ER, but it needs to come out.  High odds he will need to be sedated.”

‪Uggg so to ER I went‬.

They didn’t believe my happily playing son would turn into a werewolf when they tried to extract anything from his nose.  But, five adults couldn’t hold him still enough to get the cardboard out.‬ And he wailed the whole time. THE WORST.

‪Six times was not the charm, and they had to sedate him‬.

I ‪ended with a high son, and the cardboard no longer stuck in his nose, because it was pushed in.  Either he swallowed it or it got pushed up into his sinus‬. Since they couldn’t see it, we went into wait and see mode.

‪There had to be a life lesson about this experience.

Maybe a variation of a stitch in time:  Sensei says getting kid to sit still for 3 minute save 3 hour ER visit‬.

What have you been through that was way harder than it ought to have been?

Tooth Fairy

The soft sob my daughter gave was not normal.

It was a school morning. Which meant at 7:15 she was barefoot, and crazy haired from sleep. She looked up and Instead of the missing-front-teeth-grin, her mouth puckered and tears rolled down her cheeks.

“The tooth fairy never came.” Her lips quivered.

My heart picked up pace. Shit. The tooth fairy. How had I forgotten? I had helped my daughter pull out her tooth yesterday. She had been so excited, she had written a note. She was hoping for a dollar.

I was the worst mom ever. I would forever be late to everything and never remember important stuff like tooth fairies.  She was going to be scarred for life.

“Where was the tooth? Was it on your pillow?” I kept my eyes on her and grabbed my purse and dug around. I had to have some cash.

“It was under my pillow.” Another fat tear slid down her cheek and she stuck her thumb in her mouth. Man, she was upset. My heart twisted in guilt.

“Did you try and stay up late to see her?” Yes, I am a sexists. Tooth faeries are girls. The only cash I had was a five. That would have to do.

She nodded.

“The tooth fairy is probably just running late. Put on your jacket and get your shoes on.”

“Yes, Mommy.” She sighed.

I ran up to her bedroom. I switched out the five for the tooth in seconds and was across the hall in my room before she spotted me. I added the tooth to the little treasure chest on the top of my shelf. This one would make the fourth addition.

I stood at my door and looked down at my daughter. She still had her thumb in her mouth and stared at the floor. “Stink bug?”

“Mooooom.” She rolled her eyes roll like her future teenage self.

“I saw something in your room.” I waited making sure she saw me at my door. I pointed at her room and hoped she would buy that I hadn’t just been in her room.

“What did you see?” She looked puzzled, but interested.

“It was small and fast.” I held my breath and watched her face.

Her twisted brows evened out and her mouth opened to a little ‘O’. She ran up the stairs and dove straight for her pillow squealing “The tooth fairy came.”

Sheeew. She bought it. I had put off winning worst mom of the year award. Having to give her a five for each tooth was probably worth it.  Right?

My lesson? Don’t be afraid to improvise.  (And maybe make sure you have cash.)

What about you any stories from the trenches?

Inappropriate or funny for a blog post?

I had a computer backpack puked on recently.  (I’ll tell you later)  I was afraid that even with the best cleaning, I’d always be followed with the faint smell of vomit.  I needed a new backpack.

So I cleaned out the old one, stacking each item on the kitchen counter. Computer, cord, highlighters, pens, notepads, tampons.

Fast forward to my daughter coming home from kindergarten.

“Mommy?  What’s this for?”  Holding up a tampon.

They could have used my face for a model of trying to come up with an answer. The ummmmmmmmmmm look.

“Remember how mommy has that blanket in her tummy for a new baby?  And how it comes out if there is no baby?”

“The blood.”  She nodded still holding up the unopened tampon.

“Yes. This helps catch the blanket so it doesn’t make a mess.”  Okay I’ll admit I was feeling pretty good on that on-the-fly-hopefully-I-am-not-traumatizing-my-girl answer.

She looked at the tampon for a long moment and then a look of horror overtook her face.  The look heralded something far worse than the potato apocalypse. A look she gave when asked to eat spinach.  

potatoes-french-mourning-funny-162971

The potato apocalypse.

“You put this in your butt?”

I better start saving for counseling.

What has your child said that made you shake your head or laugh?  (And perhaps question your parenting skills)